How to Fix Intimacy Issues in Marriage: Insights from Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
Marriage is not just a partnership—it’s a living relationship that requires consistent nurturing, honesty, and evolution. At its core, what keeps a relationship thriving is intimacy. But intimacy is not limited to one expression; it is a multifaceted bond that includes emotional vulnerability, intellectual stimulation, shared experiences, physical connection, spiritual alignment, and financial transparency. When even one of these areas becomes strained, it can affect the overall health of the relationship.
As a couples therapist in Los Angeles, I see many couples who come in wondering, "Where did our closeness go?" or "Why does it feel like we’re just going through the motions?" These questions are often early indicators of intimacy disruptions. Intimacy is not just about romance or sex—it’s about connection, trust, and mutual engagement. It is the thread that weaves through a couple’s daily interactions, long-term dreams, and everyday challenges.
This article explores the six major types of intimacy that form the foundation of a healthy marriage: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and financial. We’ll dive into how each type functions in a relationship, what can go wrong, and practical steps couples can take to reconnect. We’ll also explore how couples therapy—especially the thoughtful, client-centered approach at Illuminative Self-Care Therapy (ISCT)—can provide a transformative space for healing and growth.
Whether you're just noticing the early signs of emotional distance or feeling deeply disconnected, know this: intimacy can be repaired. And rebuilding it can often lead to a deeper, more resilient partnership than ever before.
Understanding the Types of Intimacy
Intimacy comes in multiple forms, each providing a different layer of connection between partners. In long-term relationships, sustaining intimacy across these layers helps couples feel truly known, seen, and loved.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy involves touch, both sexual and non-sexual. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sexual expression all fall into this category. It’s not only about pleasure but also about comfort, security, and closeness.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is about being vulnerable and open with each other. It’s the feeling of being emotionally safe, knowing your partner sees and accepts the real you, and that you can share your inner world without judgment.
Intellectual Intimacy
This type of intimacy involves sharing thoughts, ideas, and meaningful conversations. Intellectual intimacy can be cultivated through deep discussions about beliefs, dreams, current events, or books—anything that stimulates the mind and invites curiosity.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is rooted in shared values, beliefs, or practices that connect you to something greater. For some, this might be religion; for others, it might be nature, meditation, or a sense of purpose.
Experiential Intimacy
Shared experiences build this form of intimacy. Traveling, taking classes, tackling projects, or just enjoying everyday life together helps create a shared narrative—a “we” story.
Financial Intimacy
Though often overlooked, financial intimacy is essential. It involves open communication about money—spending habits, savings goals, financial stress, and long-term plans. Financial transparency and trust are vital components of a secure relationship.
Common Intimacy Issues in Marriage
Intimacy issues in marriage rarely stem from a single cause. More often, they are the result of accumulated stress, life transitions, or shifting dynamics in the relationship. Over time, couples may notice a growing emotional gap, reduced physical closeness, or a sense of disconnection from their shared dreams and values. Sometimes it’s a slow fade into parallel lives; other times it’s triggered by specific events like becoming parents, moving, job loss, or betrayal. Regardless of the origin, these disruptions can create barriers to meaningful connection.
Here’s a breakdown of how each type of intimacy may face challenges, along with examples and contributing factors:
Physical Intimacy Issues
When physical intimacy is strained, couples often report feeling unwanted or distant. Over time, the lack of touch can erode a sense of closeness and emotional safety in the relationship.
Example
A couple with young children may find that their physical relationship has taken a back seat to exhaustion and parenting duties. One partner may feel rejected, while the other feels overwhelmed and touched out.
Contributing Factors
Fatigue, stress, hormonal shifts, differing libidos, unresolved conflict, or body image issues.
Emotional Intimacy Issues
When emotional intimacy is compromised, partners may feel lonely even when they’re physically together. They stop sharing their inner worlds, leading to emotional distance and misunderstandings.
Example
One partner begins to feel emotionally distant after repeated conflicts where they didn’t feel heard or understood. They start withholding thoughts and feelings to avoid another argument.
Contributing Factors
Poor communication, emotional neglect, resentment, fear of vulnerability.
Intellectual Intimacy Issues
The loss of intellectual connection can make a relationship feel less stimulating or engaging. Partners may stop turning to each other for thought-provoking conversations or curiosity.
Example
A partner who once enjoyed long conversations about philosophy or politics notices their significant other is often distracted or disinterested now. They miss that sense of shared mental stimulation.
Contributing Factors
Lack of time, diverging interests, emotional disconnection.
Spiritual Intimacy Issues
Disconnection on a spiritual level can leave couples feeling out of sync with their values or sense of purpose. This gap can feel deeply personal and isolating.
Example
One partner starts a spiritual practice like meditation or joins a faith group, while the other partner doesn’t relate to or support this path. This creates a sense of misalignment in core values.
Contributing Factors
Evolving beliefs, lack of support, perceived judgment, lack of shared meaning.
Experiential Intimacy Issues
When couples stop creating new memories together, they risk becoming more like roommates than romantic partners. The absence of shared joy or adventure diminishes connection.
Example
After years of raising children and focusing on careers, a couple realizes they no longer do things together just for fun. Their routines have replaced adventure.
Contributing Factors
Busyness, routine, differing activity interests, parenting stress.
Financial Intimacy Issues
Lack of financial transparency or unity can create anxiety and mistrust. One partner may feel alone in financial decision-making or perceive secrecy as betrayal.
Example
One partner hides spending habits or avoids talking about money, leading to mistrust and financial strain. The other partner feels burdened and alone with the financial responsibilities.
Contributing Factors
Shame, different money values, power imbalances, fear of conflict.
How Couples Can Rebuild Intimacy on Their Own
Even without therapy, couples can begin to repair intimacy with small, intentional actions. Here are strategies you can begin using today:
For Physical Intimacy
Prioritize Non-Sexual Touch: Holding hands, hugging, or cuddling while watching a show.
Create a Safe Space for Sexual Conversations: Use “I” statements to talk about desires and boundaries.
Schedule Intimacy: Spontaneity is great—but intention keeps the flame alive, especially for busy couples.
For Emotional Intimacy
Daily Check-Ins: Ask questions like “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What’s on your mind?”
Practice Active Listening: Reflect back what you hear without jumping in to fix.
Share Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude for your partner’s efforts and qualities.
For Intellectual Intimacy
Start a Joint Project or Book Club: Read the same article or book and discuss it.
Ask Thought-Provoking Questions: “What’s something you wish more people understood about you?”
For Spiritual Intimacy
Find Shared Rituals: This might be lighting a candle at dinner, journaling together, or taking walks in nature.
Respect Differences: Be curious about each other’s beliefs without trying to change them.
For Experiential Intimacy
Try New Things Together: Even cooking a new recipe counts.
Revisit Old Favorites: Recreate your first date or return to a beloved vacation spot.
For Financial Intimacy
Hold Regular Money Talks: Make it low-stress—maybe over a glass of wine.
Set Shared Financial Goals: Saving for a trip, paying off debt, or budgeting together builds teamwork.
How Couples Therapy Helps Address Intimacy Issues
While self-directed strategies are a great start, therapy offers a deeper and more structured path forward. Couples therapy in Los Angeles, CA helps identify root causes, unspoken patterns, and unresolved wounds that contribute to intimacy challenges.
1. Safe Space for Vulnerability
Many intimacy issues stem from unspoken needs and fears. In therapy, couples are guided in expressing vulnerable emotions in a way that’s safe and productive.
2. Clarity on Intimacy Styles and Needs
Each partner may value and prioritize different forms of intimacy. Therapy clarifies what “intimacy” means to each person and how to meet halfway.
3. Healing Past Wounds
Unhealed relational injuries—like betrayal, emotional neglect, or unresolved arguments—often block intimacy. Therapy offers tools to repair these wounds.
4. Skills Building
Couples learn practical tools for improving communication, conflict resolution, and emotional attunement.
5. Customized Guidance
A therapist can spot subtle patterns and dynamics that couples might miss. Whether it’s balancing closeness and independence or breaking a cycle of blame, tailored interventions make a difference.
The ISCT Approach to Couples Therapy
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy (ISCT), we believe that intimacy is a living, breathing part of every relationship—one that deserves attention, empathy, and informed guidance. We recognize that couples arrive at therapy for many reasons. Some are in crisis, others are seeking to deepen their connection, and many are simply trying to understand why they feel emotionally or physically distant.
Our work is rooted in the understanding that intimacy is multifaceted. Whether you're navigating disconnection in emotional, physical, spiritual, or financial intimacy, our therapists are trained to help you and your partner explore the barriers and rebuild trust and closeness. We use an integrative approach that blends evidence-based methods with warm, practical support.
Our couples therapy approach includes:
Balanced and Non-Judgmental Support. We focus on the dynamics between partners, not on assigning blame. Our therapists create a neutral, grounded space where both partners feel heard.
Attachment and Trauma-Informed Care. We help couples explore how early life experiences and attachment patterns influence the way they give and receive love today.
Somatic and Experiential Tools. From body-based awareness to in-session exercises that help partners connect in real time, we guide couples through meaningful practice—not just conversation.
Culturally Affirming Therapy. We honor the complexities of identity, culture, and family systems. Your relationship story is shaped by more than just two people, and we make space for that.
Collaborative Goal Setting. Whether you're working toward rebuilding trust after betrayal, reigniting physical connection, or finding better communication tools, we tailor therapy to your specific needs.
At ISCT, we believe in the power of relational healing. Through compassionate structure and insight-driven sessions, we help couples rediscover intimacy, repair connection, and co-create a new path forward—one that feels secure, collaborative, and warm.
Don’t Ignore the Disconnection
Intimacy issues don’t mean a relationship is broken—they often mean a relationship is asking to evolve. If you and your partner are feeling distant, disconnected, or unsure how to rekindle closeness, it's not a sign of failure. It's a signal that your relationship may need focused attention, care, and guidance.
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy (ISCT), we specialize in helping couples understand what’s underneath the disconnection and how to work through it together. Our therapists help you slow down, get curious, and relearn how to show up for one another emotionally, physically, and relationally. We offer a supportive space where both partners can feel safe to share their truths and be met with compassion, not criticism.
Intimacy can be rebuilt. Whether you're navigating emotional walls, physical distance, financial friction, or a general sense that you're more roommates than partners—we’re here to help. Our work focuses on rebuilding trust, connection, and collaborative tools that move your relationship forward.
Start Healing Together with Couples Therapy in Los Angeles, CA
If you recognize that you may have intimacy issues in your marriage, seek out the services from ISCT to support your process. At ISCT, couples therapy is approached with balance and care to help you and your partner get back to a healthy place—or find a new, more connected way to operate together.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Intimacy isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. And with the right support, that practice can become a deeply rewarding part of your shared life.
Reach out today to begin your journey toward reconnection with ISCT.
Learn more strategies for connection by exploring our blogs.
Reconnect with your partner and strengthen your relationship today.
Other Services We Offer In Addition to Couples Counseling
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy, I provide a range of services to support your personal and relational growth. In addition to couples therapy, I offer family therapy to improve family dynamics and communication, and individual therapy for personal healing and self-discovery. Explore my services here. Whatever your needs, I'm here to help guide you toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
About the Author
Shaffrayne “Shay” Solomon, MA, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, CA. With over a decade of experience supporting individuals and couples, Shay brings warmth, honesty, and a deeply compassionate approach to her work. She specializes in helping clients navigate relationship challenges, anxiety, trauma, and family dynamics—all while holding space for meaningful self-reflection and growth.
Shay’s eclectic therapy style is rooted in modalities like CBT, DBT, Somatic Therapy, and EFT, tailored to meet each client’s unique needs. Whether you're seeking couples therapy in Los Angeles or looking for support in your individual healing, Shay offers a supportive, nonjudgmental space where you can feel seen, heard, and empowered.
