The 4 Communication Styles in Relationships and How to Navigate Them in Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, yet many couples struggle with effectively expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs. In couples therapy, one of the key components to improving a relationship is understanding the different communication styles and how they influence interactions. At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy (ISCT), we help couples in Los Angeles identify their communication patterns, recognize their impact, and develop skills to foster healthier, more productive conversations.
The 4 Communication Styles
There are four primary communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Each style impacts relationships differently, and understanding them can be a transformative step in improving communication within a partnership.
Passive Communication
Passive communicators often avoid expressing their thoughts, feelings or needs openly. They may fear conflict, prioritize others’ needs over their own, and struggle with self-advocacy. This can lead to built-up resentment and feelings of being unheard or unimportant in the relationship.
Example: Alex tends to go along with whatever their partner, Jordan, wants, even when it doesn’t align with their own preferences. Over time, Alex starts feeling frustrated and disconnected, but instead of addressing it, they withdraw emotionally.
Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communicators express their needs and desires in a forceful or dominating manner, often disregarding their partner’s feelings. This style can create tension, fear, and defensiveness in the relationship.
Example: Jordan gets frustrated when Alex doesn’t express their needs, and instead of having a calm discussion, Jordan raises their voice, using harsh words to push for a resolution. This makes Alex shut down even more, deepening their disconnect.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
Passive-aggressive communicators appear passive on the surface but express frustration in indirect ways, such as sarcasm, silent treatment, or backhanded comments. This can create confusion and unresolved tension between partners.
Example: Instead of telling Jordan that they are upset, Alex makes sarcastic remarks about how Jordan “always gets their way,” leaving Jordan feeling confused and defensive.
Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is the healthiest and most effective style. It involves expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully while also listening to and considering the other person’s perspective. Assertive communication fosters mutual respect, collaboration, and emotional connection.
Example: After realizing their pattern, Alex starts telling Jordan, "I appreciate how much you take charge in planning things, but I’d also like to have more input so our plans feel more balanced. Can we talk about ways to do that?" Jordan listens and validates Alex’s feelings, and they work on a solution together.
How Communication Challenges Arise in Relationships
Miscommunication can create frustration, emotional distance, and repeated conflicts in relationships. When one partner is passive and the other is aggressive, the passive partner may shut down while the aggressive partner becomes increasingly frustrated. When both partners use passive-aggressive communication, issues may fester without resolution, leading to resentment. Without awareness of these patterns, couples may find themselves stuck in unhealthy cycles.
Navigating Communication Styles in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy provides a safe and structured environment to identify communication patterns and work toward healthier interactions. At ISCT, we help couples recognize how their communication styles contribute to the relationship dynamic and guide them in developing more effective ways to express their needs and concerns.
Through couples therapy, couples can:
Gain insight into their individual communication styles and how they interact
Understand the emotional triggers that influence how they communicate
Learn tools to shift toward a more assertive communication style
Develop active listening skills to enhance empathy and understanding
Real-Life Communication Struggles
Take Alex and Jordan, for example. They love each other deeply, but their communication differences create tension. Alex’s passive style leads to feelings of being unheard, while Jordan’s aggressive tendencies make Alex withdraw even more. When Alex becomes passive-aggressive, Jordan reacts with more frustration.
In couples therapy, they begin to recognize these patterns. With the therapist’s guidance, Jordan practices lowering their intensity and using “I” statements instead of blaming. Alex works on voicing their needs in real-time instead of letting resentment build. Over time, they develop a more assertive communication style that strengthens their relationship.
Developing Tools for Balanced Communication
Achieving a healthy communication style is an ongoing process, but with the right tools, couples can improve their interactions. Working with a therapist at ISCT helps couples:
Express needs without blame (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when we don’t make decisions together”)
Recognize and manage emotional triggers that impact communication
Engage in reflective listening to ensure both partners feel heard
Take the Next Step in Your Relationship
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy, we understand that every couple is unique. Our therapy for couples helps partners gain insight into their communication styles, recognize their impact on the relationship, and develop practical strategies to foster a healthier, more balanced dynamic.
If you and your partner are struggling with navigating communication challenges, therapy can provide the support you need. Schedule a consultation with us to explore how we can help you create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Learn more about couples therapy through our blogs.
Take the first step toward healthier communication and deeper connection!
Other Services I Offer In Addition to Couples Counseling
At Illuminative Self-Care Therapy, I provide a range of services to support your personal and relational growth. In addition to couples therapy, I offer family therapy to improve family dynamics and communication and individual therapy for personal healing and self-discovery. Explore my services here. Whatever your needs, I'm here to help guide you toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
