Therapy for Couples in LA: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Relationship
As a marriage and family therapist working with both couples and individuals, I’ve noticed a recurring theme in relationships—expectations. We all have them, whether we realize it or not. Expectations shape how we view our relationships, how we interact with our partners, and ultimately, how satisfied we feel in love and partnership. Understanding and effectively communicating these expectations can be the difference between a thriving relationship and ongoing frustration.
The Nature of Expectations
Expectations are a natural part of life. We develop them through our experiences, upbringing, personal values, and desires. From childhood, we learn about relationships by watching our parents, guardians, or other significant figures. Some of us grew up in households where love was shown through grand gestures, while others saw love expressed in small, everyday actions. Beyond upbringing, cultural influences, media portrayals, and our past relationships all contribute to shaping our beliefs about how a partner “should” act.
When we enter a relationship, we bring these expectations with us. Some may be realistic and beneficial, while others may be unspoken or even unrealistic. Problems often arise when expectations go uncommunicated, leaving our partners unaware of what we truly need or hope for.
The Expectations We Place on Our Partners
Most people enter relationships with some level of expectation about how their partner should behave. These expectations may include:
How affection should be expressed (words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, etc.)
How household chores should be divided
Financial contributions and responsibilities
How much quality time should be spent together
Social expectations, such as attending events together or spending time with each other’s families
How conflict should be handled and resolved
While expectations are normal, issues arise when they remain unspoken. Many individuals assume that their partner “should just know” what they need or want. But the truth is, people can’t read minds! Without clear communication, unmet expectations often lead to frustration or resentment.
The Importance of Communicating Expectations
One of the biggest challenges in relationships is that expectations are often subconscious. Sometimes we don’t recognize them ourselves until they are unmet. This is why open and honest communication is essential.
When expectations are clearly communicated, partners can work together to meet each other’s needs. Here are some benefits of discussing expectations openly:
Prevents misunderstandings. Your partner may not be intentionally ignoring your needs; they may simply not know what they are.
Strengthens emotional intimacy. Open communication fosters a deeper connection and understanding between partners.
Reduces resentment. When expectations are voiced and negotiated, there is less room for disappointment.
Encourages problem-solving. Couples who regularly communicate about their expectations are better equipped to handle challenges together.
Taking Action: How to Communicate Your Expectations
If you realize that you have unspoken expectations, it’s never too late to start communicating them. Here are some ways to initiate these conversations:
Recognize Your Own Expectations
Take time to reflect on what you expect from your partner and why.
Ask yourself: Are these expectations fair? Are they influenced by past experiences?
Bring It Up in a Calm and Constructive Way
Instead of waiting until frustration builds, choose a moment when both you and your partner are relaxed. Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example:
Instead of: You never buy me flowers!
Say: I feel really special when I receive flowers. I would love it if you surprised me with them sometimes.
Be Open to Compromise
Not all expectations will be met exactly as you envision. Relationships require negotiation. If your partner has a different way of showing love or contributing, find a middle ground that honors both of your needs.
Be Direct but Kind
If something your partner does (or doesn’t do) bothers you, address it directly.
For instance: I prefer the kitchen counter to be clean before bed. Could we make it a habit to clean up together after dinner?
Check In Regularly
As relationships grow and change, so do expectations. Having periodic check-ins about what is working and what isn’t can keep communication strong and prevent resentment from building over time.
The Role of Couples Therapy in Navigating Expectations
In my work with couples, I often emphasize that “Expectations without communication will lead to disappointment.” Many relationship challenges stem from unmet expectations that were never discussed in the first place. Couples therapy at ISCT provides a structured space to explore these topics in a way that feels productive and supportive.
Through couples counseling in Los Angeles, CA, partners can:
Gain clarity on their individual and shared expectations
Learn effective communication techniques
Work through unmet expectations and find solutions together
Strengthen their emotional connection
If this sounds like a conversation you and your partner would like to have in a more guided and constructive way, I invite you to schedule a consultation. Together, we can work toward a relationship where both partners feel heard, understood, and fulfilled.
Build a Stronger, More Connected Relationship Today
Unspoken expectations can create distance in relationships, but open communication can bring you closer. Couples therapy in Los Angeles, CA, provides a supportive space to explore your needs, improve communication, and strengthen your connection. If you and your partner want to build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, now is the time to start.
Take the next step today:
Schedule a consultation to begin your journey toward a stronger partnership.
Read my blogs to learn more about communication, expectations, and relationship dynamics.
Let’s work together to create a relationship where both of you feel heard, valued, and supported.
Other Services I Offer in Los Angeles, CA
In addition to couples therapy, I provide individual therapy to support personal growth and self-discovery and family therapy to improve relationships and communication within families. Whatever your needs, I’m here to help. Explore more here.
Shaffrayne (Shay) Solomon, LMFT
